Confessing our sin to God is one thing. Confessing to people is often a very different thing. God loves us unconditionally. Very few on this earth will be able or interested in loving us at that level. What makes it more difficult is that sexual sins shock people. For these reasons, confessions should be handled with care.
My wife has a guideline that helps me to sort this out. She says that the confession should be no bigger than the transgression. In other words, confess to the people against whom you sinned. When I fall, I confess to my wife, my accountability partner and God, because I have committed to walking purely with them.
At times, there are other circumstances to consider.
- You should not confess in a way that would be hurtful to someone else. Example: When I confess to my wife, I don’t walk her through the gritty details of my fantasies. Nor do I confess in a setting (like my cell group or home team) that might embarrass her.
- You should not confess with an ulterior motive. Example: I should not confess to my female coworker that I fantasized about her in the hopes that she’ll respond with interest.
- When the stakes are high, you should pray and seek godly counsel. Example: If you could lose your job because of your confession, pray and seek godly counsel first. When the stakes are high, you have to consider the impact to those around you, as well.
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