7.9 Look for the Lie

Whenever you are tempted to sin, look for the lie. I promise it’s there. Every temptation involves at least one lie and probably many. One of the most common lies associated with sexual temptation is that you have an urgent need that has to be met right now! The pressure can seem enormous and overwhelming. You begin thinking it would be easier to just give in, but don’t.

What looks urgent is often a lie. (Ever answered an urgently ringing phone only to discover that it’s a telemarketer?) Satan wants you to think that you have an urgent need, but resist the temptation with resolve, and watch how quickly he flees. A moment later, you’ll be amazed at how different you feel.

How about some other lies that we believe in the moment of temptation?

“It’s my wife’s fault. She’s not meeting my needs.”

While your wife may not be meeting your sexual needs, you are still accountable for your own behavior. You can’t use what someone else does or doesn’t do as justification for sin. Before you blame your wife, ask yourself if there is anything you are doing or not doing that might be contributing to the problem.

“I’ve been good. I deserve a break.”

You’re assuming that you’ve crossed some arbitrary righteousness threshold. This is a very legalistic way of looking at your walk, and it’s false. Our relationship with Christ is based on grace, not works. Works are the evidence of your love for Him. Besides, the threshold is much higher than you are thinking. (See Jesus’ interpretation of the seventh commandment in Matthew 5:27-30.)

“I need to see how bad it is.”

Maybe a little “Christian research” might make you better prepared to defend against sexual immorality. Not a chance. It’s bad, and it ain’t getting better. That’s all you need to know. More diligent research will only take you down. It will make you want to do more and more research until you’ve consummated your sin.

“Just one look won’t hurt.”

Wrong. Curiosity killed the cat, remember? One look will turn into a linger, and a linger will turn into a lust. If Satan can get you to take one look at the bait, he sets the hook and starts to reel you in. Besides, how long can your active imagination go on just that one image?

“I’ve already messed up. What’s one more time?”

How far away from God do you want to wander before you try to find your way back to Him? It may not be as easy as you think. Though God is always as close as our repentance, you might find it difficult to ask for forgiveness. Every time you sin, you are poisoning your spirit. The sooner you turn back, the better.

5.13 Designed to Initiate

Men are physiologically designed to initiate. Every 72 hours, the man has a physical need to empty his semen. Women do not have any type of similar need. Their readiness for sex changes with their reproductive cycle. God made the men the initiators, because we are the leaders of our homes. If you are waiting for your wife to initiate, you are not leading in your family.

For our wives, orgasm is not necessary and frequently not very urgent. It may seem like a twisted joke, but God gave us the urgency for sex so that we would not let the topic go. He created the urgency so that we would be compelled toward physical oneness with our wives. If you have learned to live without sex, you’re not leading. If you are meeting your needs in any other way, you’re not leading.

It stinks to be the leader sometimes, but that’s the way it is. To whom much is given, much is expected. Swallow hard and accept your responsibility as the leader of your family. Initiate.